i've mooooooved! since a pretty long time ago, but i was banned from wordpress in shanghai so i could only blog when i came back. and the layout was done before the trip and everything too. will still be checking my flist dilligently though, so don't remove me! :O

or rather, back from the land of one billion people and the city of polluted grey skies.

and as to the reason why i haven't written for ages; the neurotic/paranoid authorities blocked access to blogger, wordpress, lj, xanga and all the non-china blog sites.

well, this trip taught me a lot - i'm feeling much more sober and icy about the goings ons of the adult world and the complexities of human nature. things that i've never understood previously have come back to haunt me like an evil, suckling creature nestling at the bottom of my heart. it's funny, even amazing, to get the feeling of getting hit in the face by things people did a decade ago - people who you mistunderstood. and never in my life have i seen so clearly, and at the same time, being frightful of, the persons i have never seen in such a perspective until now. and that one manupilative woman. i'm not sure whether i should be in awe of her hypnotising powress and should be running away from her brain washing. I can't decide, maybe it's a bit of both

and i'm pretty much geared to fail teh mids. how do you expect me to study when we're eating at steakhouses and going on road trips and shopping all day long? i'm sure someone with the utmost self-restraint will crumble at the sight of a sirloin steak. tell me, sirloin steak and the LRAC curve; which looks more appetising and easier on the senses?

Today I went for guitar. Seriously I'm like damn worried for the concert. Half the time we play it sounds passably good but not concert-level. RAHHH damn I'm gonna miss prac because I'm in Shanghai. Still, looking forward to the beach resort! My mom was telling me just now how it's like some island so if some funny typhoon hits (it's like the typhoon season) we'll be stuck on the deserted island until it passes.

Hohohoho only now am I appreciative of having a mom who graduated with a degree majoring in Chinese lit. I hand her the Luxun IOP book and tell her my topic, and one look at the content page she can tell me one whole list of suggestions for my topic, and analysis. In her words "Oh come on, I read this in primary school" or something. CHINA POWER TO THE MAX MAN. Who said having a cheena background is bad. It can help you loads in life. With her guidiance now it takes a load off my back for the IOP essay. muahahHAHA

Oh yes today after guitar we had a semi-guitar people lunch. And they were talking about Guns'n'Roses (not to mention Pam butchering attempting to play the intro of Sweet Child 'o Mine during practice) and Tony was being shocking again saying things like he wants to keep his hair to his shoulders etc. OMG they were talking about how ownage Slash's hair was and I decided to check their hair out. To my horror:



I mean... it is kind of... cool... I guess... if you were living 20 years ago maybe

But still, it's iconic, that I can't deny. He looks much better in Guitar Hero IMHO.

That's me folks, sorry. Recently I haven't been feeling too well, and I hate posting when I'm down in the dumps because that makes my lj sound more emo. The gloominess seems to have settled over me in a opaque, indispensable cloud of frothy sadness. Can you imagine; I'm just like a city shrouded in the thick grey haze of human pollution, and the poor guy standing on my pavement can't see the sky unless the city decides to be happy and cheery again. But I can't. I just lie on my bed in a fit of depression and just... lie there. And do nothing. Hoping for the hand wringing my heart to stop so I can stop scrunching my face in agony over nothing. That's right, I'm feeling like shit because of god knows what. And then I go back to bed. That's how I spend two thirds of my day; sleeping. I wake up at 2 pm everyday, vegetate in front of the tv for 3 hours, attempt to do work but end up distracted by Facebook, blogs etc. for another 3 hours, eat and bathe and watch more tv, and before I know it, the day's flown by and I've wasted another day of my life.

I'm just really scared. The holidays have barely started but I know once they're in full swing, I'll be wasting myself away on holiday in China, eating and sleeping and playing and shopping, and then the month's just going to run past without me knowing and sooner or later, I'll be sitting at my table in my irritatingly uncomfortable skirt, staring blankly at my exam paper with the phrase "HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN" in a big-ass, bolded, font size 72 running through my brain on repeat, like someone holding down the ctrl+v buttons on Word.

I'm okay I'm alright I keep telling myself, but I've lost my mojo for anything. :(

p.s. I realised I am posting while I am in a bad mood. Maybe I should go on a haitus.
p.p.s. I've decided to move to somewhere else. Hopefully the freshness of a clean slate will occupy my for a while.

as the sarcastic gamers on the net go, "standing on one spot has never been so fun."

And this is the first time in forever I did and hour of continuous exercise, and all while ogling at the tv screen and stepping on a beefed-up weighing machine. the irony.

Well, I have set up an abs training program on the darn thing. And who knows, it might work.

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yesterday I celebrated my uncle's birthday (like a month advance since we are going to shanghai next week) at this shanghai restaurant and from the behaviour I witnessed from the adults, I realised that typical shanghainese
1) Start criticizing the food the moment they taste it, even if the chef is standing next to them
2) Start talking loudly about how they can cook wayyy better at home
3) Volume increases as more alcohol and stories are served
4) I tower over everybody while in heels

edit:

/end camwhoring (there's more of the family, but those aren't so appropriate)

also i realised that my collarbones stick out in an unglam fashion

Looking at the list of 5 people he tagged, I'm guessing I'm the only one that's gonna do this. Haha

Name 5 people you can think of right off the top of your head.Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 5 people.This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first..NO CHEATING!

1) pameba
2) bl (my girl cousin)
3) yuechin
4) yimin
5) astro
(as you can see i refrain from putting anybody too _____ in anticipation of the questions asked)

okay now i tag 5 people
NO ONE HAHA

DO NOT READ AHEAD UNLESS YOU'VE FILLED UP THE TOP

1. How did you meet No. 1? (pamelia)
Hm I've known her since sec 1 because we were in the same class.

2. On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate your friendship with No. 1? (Baolin)
She's practically like a sister to me... But since I always bully her I have to cut her some slack this time so 11/10

3. How long have you known No. 4? (Yimin)
Hmm since sec 1 also.


4.How do you know No. 3? (Yuechin)
She was in the O level track too, and somehow all the O level people knew all the other O level people (even if they were GEPers, haha).

5. Wheres No. 5? (astro)
Home?

6. A fact about No. 1? (Pamelia)
She has bad taste in guys.

7. Who is 4 going out with? (Yimin)
HAHA idk about real life but in her dreams it's ________

8. What does 1 do for a living? (Pamelia)
Be blur

9. Would you live with No. 3? (Yuechin)
Haha it should be "Do you think No. 3 would want to live with you?" Hm I'm okay with living with her but I'm not sure I can say the same for her since I'm so messy.

10. What do you like about No. 2? (BL)
She's funny and she has a double chin.

11. Do you miss No. 5? (Astro)
No la I meet him everyday

12. Would you make out with No. 4? (Yimin)
No please neither of us are that despo. And besides she's homophobic.

13.What's your opinion of No. 2? (BL)
She has a bad posture.

14. What's your favourite memory with No. 5? (Astro)
Haha maybe just talking about stuff. You can learn a lot about a person by just chatting.

15. What would you do if No. 1 (Pamelia) and 2 (BL) were going out?
O________________________________O
....I would respect their decision... but somehow it'll be weird during the new years

16. Ever had a long conversation with No. 5? (Astro)
Yup.

17. Have you ever slept at No. 2's house? (BL)
Yea in the school holidays I live with her family for a while

18. Do you hang out with No. 3 alot? (Yuechin)
I suppose so.

19. Who have you known the longest? (BL)
I've known her since I was born. Owait, I mean since she was born since technically I'm older.

20. How often do you talk to No. 1? (Pam)
Everyday.

21. What about No. 2? (BL)
Not as often, but still quite often

22. Have you ever thought No. 3 as more than a friend? (Yuechin)
You mean like how?

23. Would you go out on a date with No. 5? (Astro)
As a friend yes

24. Do you dream about No. 2? (BL)
There was one period of time where I was fangirling over Jamie Oliver, I dreamt one day that BL and I were going to his house to cook, but we forgot we were microwaving something and went to the beach (???) and his house exploded... lol it was quite a nightmare actually.

25. What did No. 4 do to you that you can never forget? (Yimin)
Not sure... I think it'll be the other way round cos she's never angry and one time I really made her pissed.

26. What have you done for No. 1 that the person will never forget? (Pamelia)
Keeping my mouth shut.

27. What's No. 3's hobby? (Yuechin)
Ogling at hot guys. No, joking, probably it's looking up dbsk.... but that's the same as ogling at hot guys, actually

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Recently I've been trying to improve the condition of my hair. It's seriously in bad shape because it's so dry and it's poofy (a problem I had to live with since forever... and I grew my hair long to combat this problem (in addition to other things haha) but it's not any better). Also it's super dry, almost to the point where I fear for my life during hot days (bush fire). OK I'm exaggerating but you have a pretty good picture. So yesterday on one of my impuse splurges, I went and bought this leave-in conditioner that apparently tames frizzy hair, at a rip-off of $10 for a tiny bottle.

The lady was trying to get me to buy the $27 dollars one because according to her it can last you a year (lol) and it's really good because its a professional product used by hair salons and can't be found in normal stores (but seeing that their shop was a seedy cosmetics store......) but I didn't want to risk getting stuck with a ginormous bottle of something that doesn't work (like previously). So I bought the smaller version and went home (after buying several other expensive products that I don't need), not without feeling like I was cheated, but I have to say after using it for one day it feels pretty ok. As in my hair became silkier and less dry (even though the ends are still quite sharp and still stabs my face when I sleep), but there's definitely an improvement! IDK I shall stick to it longer and see.

Also recently I've had this urge to curl my hair (in fact, I'm curling it now). Don't ask. But it's been a failure so far. It comes out less like curls and more like rubbish :( I think one of these days I have to go get a hot iron curler or a electrical straightener. OR PERM MY HAIR (omigod, the unthinkable; my hair will pratically turn into an afro... if I come back from the holidays with big hair you'll know what happened).


I want it to look something like this... so pretty right!

Haha I realise shopping for things I don't need or only use once is one of my greatest vices. There was this period of time I kept shopping for deodorant (?!?!?) which I didn't even use after I bought it. Argh and now its happening with hair products. I must stop slurging!! I shall save up money for a hair curler.

Well, the past long weekend has been wholly taken up by my new best friend, also known as the math portfolio. That's why I haven't been updating as much as I've liked. There is just something suspiciously wrong about being kept awake til 4am in the morning from 9 pm the previous night, and religiously plotting graph after graph to salvage your IB Math HL butt. What is the world coming to?!

Anyway today on the way home on the bus, I received a message from Mdm Yap saying that the MFA got a travel advisory against going to Kunming, so, darn, the trip is postphoned to August. HOPEFULLY it doesn't clash with the guitar foa.

Speaking of which:


ARGHARGHARGHARGH I love you guys with your shaggy hair (and especially anarchist behaviour, John Lennon) but I'd appreciate it if you wrote slower songs.

This is a damn disjointed post. Sorry. :( I'll write something more coherent when I don't have a mother breathing down my neck.

Today an extremely ________ day (fill in the blank depending on how you interprete this). Um, today I realised the amount of damage a webcam can do to your mental capacity is boundless. And the amount of scarring omg.................................... really, I'm never messing with Pam's VAIO ever again.

And I might be moving this blog to somewhere else. *hint hint* Yes, this is a threat.

After a chat with pam on the bus back home, she pointed out something that kinda shocked me, meaning that somehow this has been with me since god knows when, but I didn't even realise it until she pointed it out. Towards certain things I tend to be more... subservient. And to think I've never realised it until today! What's wrong with me! I'm becoming someone with pseudo-Japanese woman values. Keeping my hair long, saying things like "Just talking to him is enough." and trying to project a false image, omg I can't believe such meek things are coming out of my mouth. Right, tomorrow I'm gonna shave my hair into a mohawk, dye it red and go to school; anarchy to the max people! I am no longer going to live under the shadow of the typical female stereotype!!!! ROARrrr

However, I realised females do have a lower mental capacity (wait, don't jump to conclusions) in terms of emotional stress. Somehow I think the girls I know give up on their goals too easily. Call it naivety, call it inexperience, but I find it unfair that the girls are getting the shorter end of the stick by having to suffer at the hands of some irritating, trying to play hard-to-get fag, and getting their feelings toyed with. But, who knows, maybe that guy's just two-faced, and uses a different persona to face people of different genders.

But who am I to say these headstrong words. :( I believe in perseverence, because my paitence is almost unlimited in this type of thing anyway. I hope. I shall wait and see.

P.S. Mom (if you see this), please stop discussing the contents of my blog with me, thank you. Also you should stop watching tv late into the night when there's nothing on anyway!
P.P.S. ARGH math portfolio is being a bitch. I can't understand anything! arghARGHarghARGHargh
P.P.P.S. Even though I'm saying that I'm gonna become an anarchist etc. etc., the fact is, I swear too much. Not only is swearing unlady-like, it also makes guys impotent and girls turn into guys.

today was the 'a' div rugby finals against St Andrews JC at the Padang! Um, the pictures don't say much, (except for the first picture of the brokeback indian mountain; note the shy way they are avoiding each other's gaze) cause basically they're all of the acsi ruggers after they've won. Victory = HOLIDAY! (I hope!!)



Anyway even though I was hot and sweaty and tired (not to mention extremely extremely HUNGRY), I feel really refreshed after going home, changing and eating some watermelon. Nothing can beat a yummy, juicy slice(s) of watermelon, especially the way it dribbles down your chin! Instant refreshment haha. Now I'm almost ready to start on the math portfolio, after another episode or two of jdrama.......... [procrastination]

And how come no one watches rugby on tv? It's like, after a long day at school, it's quite relaxing to watch a gentle game of rugby on tv (oxymoron haha). It's like an outlet for anger hoho, and even though I don't really understand the technical side of it, I still find it quite scintillating (unlike a certain so.......ccer). Seriously everyone should just tune into channel 170 on cable (it's free). It's like the Australian channel but basically they show rugby 24/7, what a bargain!

Today is a happy day! Happy happy happy. I'm filled with joy and love and light <3333333 :D And even though they seem so impossible in reality, at least it doesn't in my head. :O

I really appreaciate what you guys are doing for me, truly, even though I don't show it (and I don't feel it), but sometimes I wonder if what you think suits me is bringing me away from the things I want.

i have nothing to write about! what a surprise.

wow in exactly 2 weeks! psyched at the prospect of taking the plane. i love airplane rides (and even though this sounds rather twisted, i enjoy the airplane food :O) hope the trip is memorable

ummmm yup, as you can tell, my life's pretty much not so exciting.

to mom, if you are reading this, i would just like to say what a lovely and charming lady you are. THERE i've said it! now stop dropping hints to me about blogging about your so-called awesomeness. :P

I swear I either smell good, or I'm just too sweet. :) HELLO! If not how do you explain incidents of honey bees and beetles zooming straight into my face, a strangely unexplainable phenomenom that has been happening since dunno when. I'm bringing this up now because today is the third time in 2 days I've had to run screaming like a banshee around the house, leaving a trail of destruction and overturned furniture in my wake (I exaggerate, sry:B) because some form of an insect suddenly accosts me face-to-face (pun intended) while I'm just serenely doing homework. And at the rate I'm goning I think I'm getting addicted to inhaling mosquito repellent.

And my mom is freaking funny! Apparently she has overly developed biceps now due to the Nintendo Wii because she "trains" everyday, especially tennis and boxing. Can't stand her la.

Mom: You know in Hongkong there was this huge mirror in the bathroom, so when I in there I noticed.... *flex flex flex flex*
Me: *jawdrop*
Mom: Hohohohoho *does muscle man in mocca ad pose*

Okay maybe she didn't pose, but I was forcibly reminded of that ad anyway. Haha, my mom can carry me, but I can't carry her. I'm such a loser la, because she's so tiny and I'm almost a huge gorilla = irony.

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Today after school I had some retail therapy with Pam in town! I bought this ugly backpack, and the only reason I bought it was because it'll make me look more studious. (lol, joke of the year) The shopping was good, but the ickiness and hot weather, coupled with my lethargy almost made me wanna go home and sleep. Anyway I think the shopkeeper of the bag shop hates me! Not only did I pester him for half an hour, I also managed to pay him $10 less for the bag (due to my superior haggling skillz V). Yup so now I look the part of a nerd, I just need the brains I ('m sad to admit sorely) lack to complete the role.

Pam was trying on some clothes that I have to say 1) was perfectly normal for an 17 year old, except on her it makes her look too young (for example, imagine me wearing a strawberry-print dress (and other than the fact that there's the close to zero possiblity of that) it'll make me look 5 years younger i.e. I'll look like I'm 17. OK now picture Pam wearing it; it will also make her look 5 years younger i.e. 12) 2) there was nothing in her size. Also, she happened to ask me if she looked like a fillipino maid. Fortunately or unfortunately, she didn't buy anything other than her EE text.

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(Ahem, welcome to my daily emo corner.)

[emo] Sometimes listening to other people being happy and high while you're feeling kinda down goes either way. You will either feel happy for that person, or feel even more shitty because well, seeing other people happier than you are just makes you jealous and more in the dumps. However today I JUST was stuck between that, like in limbo. On one hand I would like to :):):), but on the other I'm thinking about sometimes less-than-sunny, so I'm not entirely sure what to do. :( And also I wonder if being the one always listening is a good thing, because at the end when you have something to say, people expect you to shut up and listen to their problems instead. The bottom line: SIGH you two hurry up and HAPPEN already. AND stop playing around with her you ass. [/emo]

On a slightly more disturbing note, my mom just informed me she reads my blog.

HALLELUJAH!

p.s. I shall lie low for a period of time and post less about specifics, and more emoemoemo just to turn her away, so don't be fooled people.
p.p.s. I hope she doesn't know what emo is...?

when sometimes you've got a secret, and you keep this secret, but it keeps eating away at your heart, gnawing and chewing until there's almost nothing left. and you think you need to confide in someone else, but then the best of intentions can cause the worst kind of hurt as well. okay, maybe not intentional hurt, but more like accidental hurt. at least i hope so. or maybe i'm just taking it too seriously and/or literally.

and the cycle starts all over again; the person who you told your secret to now has less space and heart for his/her own secrets to chew on, and thus that person finds another person to confide his/her own secrets in, and then that person feels more burdened and find another person to confide in...... so on and so on. i'm not renouncing telling other people your secrets, but it's just that, i guess sometimes trying to let someone else share your burden won't stop the nagging in your head.

still, i appreciate how friends still trust me enough to tell me private stuff that's bothering them. not like i'm able to make their problems go POOF and magic them away, but still, it makes me feel like i'm worth being trusted and its the thought that you could make someone feel better by just lending a listening ear that cheers me up so much.

recently i've been thinking about trust a lot. i guess on the outside i'm not that much of a secretkeeper, and people always tell me i'm a loudmouth (especially someone whose name is synonymous with amoeba) and at other times i find out things in the most awkward way imaginable (i.e. my balant questioning), but at least people will still find me dependable enough to confide in me. yup. and as to why i'm basing my self-worth over this, i have no freaking clue.

on the other hand though, accidental or intentional or otherwise, at least i'm now sure

p.s. i have way too many entries tagged emo. ugh i'm over the quota this month

:(

I know I'm putting on this false front, but deep inside I really feel lost.

It's like I'm so happy now and my heart is bursting full of song and 'what if's
for no apparent reason (or for the wrong reason)

my brain's filled with mumbojumboramboroarrrrrrrrrrr this whole mass of wriggling doubts and nagging nagging nagging it's no big deal girl, I keep telling myself that


Boohoo, I'm such an emo girl.

And I feel like pigging out. On CHOCOLATE AND ICECREAM AND CARAMEL FRAPPUCINOS nonetheless. These few days I feel don't feel full at all but I have no urge to curb the hunger pangs. What's wrong with meeeee. It's friday night and I feel like a fat pig already. Damn you damn you damn you.

would you look me in the eye
and tell me that you're happy now

And this is such an incoherent post. for a better example of how I write normally, and not in a mentally-challenged state, please refer to the post below. Thank you.

Econs test today was an disaster... haha found out 2 questions like, 5 minutes beforehand. Damn traumatised but strangely, I felt quite calm throughout the whole ordeal. like a a terribly quite sea before a terrible storm. Well, hope it goes well. I might have to drop HL Econs to something else...

After school we went to the Cathay for the free ice-cream thingy. People present Vikram, JGoh, Tony Paul, Chris T., Joshua Chin, Junying, Aries, Pam and me. Woah the queue was like... 2 stories in length, like you had to start queuing from the level above. Thankfully it moved quite fast so after twenty minutes YAY cookie dough-flavoured ice-cream :D Didn't take any pictures of the ice cream though, gobbled it all up haha. OH MAN then I bought the shilin chicken chop thing. It was damn hot la!! But when I exclaimed that JGoh and Vik apologised in that order. Haha damn funny I was like, "Vikram, JGoh apologised already" and he was like "Oh maybe the heat takes a while." Was joined by Yuechin and Louis, then most people left.

We trooped over to Plaza Sing for dinner. Didn't eat much. Actually I just bought a drink. Dunno what's up with my stomach recently... It's like I get a stomach ache if I eat too much. What happened to me! I use to eat like, a horse, or maybe I could eat a horse, but now I can hardly eat anything. Even eating a sirloin steak is becoming a chore. :( :( Damn, that's like practically my favourite food in the world and I'm growing tired of it. :llll

Yeah anyway back to the topic at hand, somehow JGoh/Joshua Chin managed to persuade Tony P. to do an impromptu guitar demo at the Yamaha shop, so after dinner we went there for some guitar ownage. There was like this "VIP room" with all the expensive guitars in it. Haha I was trying to stay damn still for fear of upstaging any expensive guitars with my bag from their stands/hangers (like this shiny $4k acoustic guitar). Someone suggested we kneel and kowtow to Tony Paul before he started haha, and were half-way to the floor. As per usual, he did his thing on the electic (3 guitars, no less). Felt like I was at the backstage of some rock concert hoho. Then there was this really pretty blue acoustic! It had a gradient, how nice :O As Louis aptly observed, TP makes it look damn easy. I felt like I could play Angelina too (HA in my dreams) after watching his demo. Tsk, I wonder why I joined guitar in the first place.


(the closeups are like people's awed faces)

tmr is a short short day! looking forward to an afternoon nap. :)

omg i'm fangirling again :(


He's damn freaking hilarious, and I like his jaw a lot haha!!! He won the best supporting actor or something at the Japan TV awards. IKUTA TOMA :D:D

Haha and I got new specs. :( They're fuggingly rectangular, and because my mom is a cheapo, she bought me the non-thin specs kind, resulting in an insightly border of white at the bottom. And I feel cheated!!! I thought they were tortishell coloured but it turns out that they're only that way on the inside and the sides. Boohoo. But my cousin say it makes me look like an OL. Seriously. I look 8 years older than my actual age now. The shopkeepers don't even look twice. Ohhh man.... I feel like an old hag now. Baold Cheng. :( But I think I look quite dorky (as in than I am already), so that's good. I'm projecting an intellectual image, hurhur.

I'm watching jdramas to destress (i.e. today I did nothing but to slack). Currently devouring Hanakimi at a ferocious pace. It's funny how you can gain so much insight on life from such superficial things; pretty boys aside, watching it has really given me much food for thought.

"If you give up the things most important to you, you'll lose yourself sooner or later."

Or something like that. I'm not kidding you, my heart really skipped a beat when I heard that line (or rather, read that subtitle), because it really struck a nerve, like surfacing a truth you always knew about, but never realized until the words became reality.

Once upon a time, I wanted to be a painter. Yeah, while other children were answering the inevitable question of "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with replies beyond their time - "I want to be a doctor!", "I want to cure cancer." and things like that, no doubt, answers conditioned in them at such a young age by overzealous parents, I was there feeling like I stuck out like a sore thumb at the answer at the tip of my tongue. Lying through my milk teeth, I would say not without a hint of remorse, "I-I want to be a lawyer", because that was what my mom is, and the only plausible answer I could think of.

Somehow over the years, this lie has also been imbued in me. Somehow I don't treat it as a lie anymore, because to me now that is somehow the truth. Somewhere along the way, I really gave up on my dreams, and replaced that floaty cloud of ambiguity with something much more concrete. I guess it's cowardice on my part - I'm not one to suffer... Perhaps an ordinary 9 to 5 job would suit me better than a life down the road of fear and uncertainty for my future. Even that numbed lie stems from the fact that is has been tried and tested (by my mom, no less).

Ha ha, I.... really... think I'm a coward.

Somewhere in the murky future I want to move to the France, or Scotland countryside, where the spring is lavender with the colour of wild flowers, and winters are pink from the sleepy morning sun, to a tiny stone cottage at a hilly green place, at the edge of my very own farm and vegetable patch, a front porch and back yard facing the hello and goodbyes of the sun everyday, then in the morning I'll feed my cows and sheep and geese and water my vegetables, then on a chair, in front of a canvas on a rickety old easel, with paint in hand and on nose, I'll waste the evening away creating pictures of melancholy, and pure love of living your life like you want it.

To the assholes out there who channel their energy into programming viruses, instead of using what ever that's in those heads for a better cause, so that you can take the mickey out of poor bystanders, like me, who will have to endure your incessantly stupid "INSTALL SPYWARE NOW"s and "YOUR COMPUTER IS UNDER RISK FROM TROJAN HORSE34296420395"s, a big, font size 72 SCREW YOU. I can endure your fat ass ads, your bigotry-induced demands and even your disgusting pornographic pop-ups (but not really). BUT COME ON, AT LEAST ENABLE THE CROSS BUTTON TO WORK! You don't expect me to log off and on again because you're ginormous windows refuse to close!!!!!11111/?????>>>>>><<<<<

the title explains it all... does it?

it's that taboo four letter word...

L is for the way you look at me,
O is for the only one I see,
V is very very, extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you and I adore

haha yuechin i lied to you about the candy thingy